


Playing Pretend

by Between_A_Dream



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: 2x10 spoilers, Angst, F/F, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Memories of the Widow attack, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11784567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Between_A_Dream/pseuds/Between_A_Dream
Summary: Nicole lies and pretends that it's okay. For Waverly's sake and her own, she lies. And maybe it's not. But maybe she can't say all that. Maybe all she can do is to keep playing pretend.





	Playing Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, so this is just a short angst filled one-shot, and it's a bit different than what I typically write.
> 
> One, it's in present tense, because to me there is something so beautiful and elegant about stories written in the present tense, but to me it's most affective when used to write something dark and tragic. I decided to write about Nicole experiencing PTSD after everything with the Widows. It's hard for me to imagine she wouldn't experience some kind of trauma after that, because how could you not after a near death experience? I feel the same for Waverly, that she must have dealt with some stuff after the demon possession, and I'm a bit bummed the show didn't say anything about it. But, I trust the show and I trust Emily. Either way, I hope you guys enjoy this story even though it's not exactly all smiles and rainbows. Comments and feedback are always appreciated! :)

Nicole lies and says that it's okay.  
  
When she wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, gasping for breath and grabbing desperately for her gun in a blind panic, she lies to the woman next to her. She hides the gun behind her back and occasionally refuses to acknowledge that she's even awake. She lies still and silent, her heart pounding and her breath shaking as she squeezes her eyes shut, her fingers cool around the metal of her gun that she hides just under her bedsheets.  
  
Waverly doesn't always engage, not anymore. She used to, when the nightmares first began and Nicole would launch out of bed, screaming and crying and trembling violently. But now? Now it's as if she knows that her comfort does little to ease the nerves bubbling under her girlfriend's skin.  
  
Nicole rarely sleeps now. It's only when she passes out from sheer exhaustion after forcing herself awake for days at a time that she does, and she's always met with the same thing every time she closes her eyes- Mercedes face on not-Mercedes, grinning at her with a wicked Cheshire smile and a glint in her eyes that is anything but human.  
  
She has to wonder if the brunette in bed next to her knows how bad it is. If she experienced similar flashbacks and cold sweats after the experience with Mictian. She shudders just thinking about the possibility of her Waverly ever having to go through what she is dealing with. It almost makes Nicole reach out and bury into her, cling tightly to her waist and cry into her chest as she confesses all her fear and pain. Almost.  
  
There are whispers in the darkness, flashes of shadows that strike fear she didn't know existed into her heart. The bite mark doesn't heal- She's told it never will. The scars of teeth marks and broken skin and poisonous veins remain implanted in her skin, not as visible as she'd feared, but there all the same. She still remembers shaking for hours, and the way that blood poured from her wound in thick dark rivers, leaving streaks of red stains on her skin for days after. She still hears the screaming echoing around in her ears that she hadn't realized were hers until she lost her ability to breathe and slipped into unconsciousness.  
  
She still sees the way she saw her entire life flashing before her eyes as she collapsed in Waverly's arms.  
  
How she realized she wanted to be a police officer when she watched someone get pushed off the swings on the playground at recess and immediately felt that it was her duty to help. How she realized she was gay when she was just over 12 years old and developed a crush on a girl in her class. How her parents had wanted nothing to do with her when she came out at 18, which made leaving for the academy easier because at least she didn't have to worry about being homesick.  
  
How she met Shay rock climbing, and got married while she could barely stand in a cliche Vegas chapel. How when they sobered up they realized their mistake, but stayed married and good friends for benefits and tax breaks, but nothing more. How one day she was recruited by Randy Nedley, packed her things, and moved to Purgatory. How she met her future girlfriend in a washed up old bar. How later that day she called Shay and asked for a divorce because she'd met someone she couldn't bear to live without. Shay had even congratulated her and wished her the best.  
  
And how she slowly but surely fell madly in love with Waverly Earp. Her laugh and her smile and her heart- Every part of the smaller woman taking complete control of every waking thought that went through the officer's head.  
  
She had managed the strength to smile at the thought of their time together, and she had been so sure she was done. But then Waverly saved her yet again, though she couldn't say she felt that she was worth it. She had already been saved once before by the Earp sisters, when they chose her life over Peacemaker, when Willa had been alive.  
  
Shay had left a few hours after knowing Nicole had recovered, but it wasn't until after the defeat of the Widows and Clootie that she and Waverly had been given a chance to sit down and really talk about everything going on. She had explained that she and Shay were divorced and she was still listed as her next of kin, but there was nothing between them. She knew it wasn't an easy thing for Waverly to deal with, but the younger Earp had told her she appreciated knowing the truth. And she had confessed about the kiss with Rosita, which hadn't been easy to hear either, but Nicole too appreciated the honesty. And after a long talk, they had agreed that they could move past it.  
  
But, not even having a fresh clean slate with Waverly stops the haunting memory of the suffering she'd endured that day. There were so many moments where she had honestly wished herself dead, wished that she could just pull a plug that would shut off her brain and stop the poison slinking through her veins. She remembers that feeling, the way she had begged for the relief of death.  
  
She doesn't talk about it. She lies and she doesn't feel as bad about it as she should, because she can't bear the thought of the way she can picture Waverly will look at her if she knew how much pain she's in. She lies because even in broad daylight, the smallest things remind her of that day, and she doesn't know how to make it stop. If she were being perfectly honest, if it meant keeping Waverly from suffering that same fate, she'd do it over again a thousand times. She doesn't regret sacrificing herself to save the woman she loves. But, regret or not, it's slowly killing her from the inside, and she knows Waverly won't handle it well if she were to confess. So she lies.  
  
Nicole lies and says that it's okay. For Waverly's sake and her own, she lies.

And maybe it's not. But maybe she can't say that. Maybe all she can do is to keep playing pretend.

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you guys think? This is my first attempt at a present tense story, so let me know! I know it's pretty sad and it doesn't really end on a happy note, but I just really needed to get out some of my angst from the show haha. I haven't really been dealing with any of it so I decided that writing it all out would help. I will be writing fluff again now, I just needed a short angst story to get out all my bottled up sadness haha. Hope you guys liked it!


End file.
